The Art of Listening at TEDx Rainier

“Listening is at the core of everything I do. Relationships, work, social change, learning, peace, balance…..In this talk, I share some of the stories that have made my life so rich.”

Watch the video below of Kathleen’s Second TEDx talk, “The Art of Listening.” This took place November 22, 2014 at Seattle’s McCaw Hall as part of the TEDxRainier event.

Watch Kathleen’s first TEDx talk “Can prisons be houses of healing?” here.

Learn more about Kathleen’s services and upcoming offerings

International Intensive Training- Pacific NW US April 2015

Center For Nonviolent Communicationsm
Presents an 
INTERNATIONAL INTENSIVE TRAINING
USA – Pacific Northwest   April 3—12, 2015

The Proctor Farm

Program: This International Intensive Training (IIT) is a 9-day, Nonviolent Communication “immersion experience.” It is a residential workshop led by a team of experienced CNVC Certified Trainers.

The purpose of this IIT training is to offer people the opportunity to live the process of Nonviolent Communication in community over an extended period of time, in order to develop Nonviolent Communication knowledge, skills and consciousness. One exciting focus of this specific intensive training is exploring how individuals and teams can influence systems, cultures, communities and organizations, to become settings where all people can thrive.

Kathleen MacFerranTrainer: Kathleen Macferran,  Kathleen holds a vision for a peaceful, just and sustainable world. She has worked as a Certified Trainer for CNVC since 2003 and serves as an assessor with CNVC by supporting trainer candidates through a community-based certification process.  Offering communication and conflict resolution exploration is a passion of hers having worked with organizations and individuals including businesses, schools, colleges, community groups, faith-based communities, hospitals, families, prison inmates, and correctional and law enforcement employees. Kathleen is on the faculty of Seattle Central Community College where she offers courses in Conflict Management.

Kathleen enjoys exploring ways to engage with conflict in life-serving ways through the development of restorative systems. She serves as a lead trainer for the Freedom Project of Seattle, an affiliate organization of CNVC that strengthens community safety by supporting the transformation of prisoners into peacemakers. Kathleen offers trainings in concrete skills of nonviolence leading to reconciliation with ourselves, our loved ones and the community. For over 25 years Kathleen has explored ways to restore harmony to communities. Her experience includes two decades as a music conductor and leader of a nonprofit organization, and seven years as a public school teacher. Her website is www.StrengthofConnection.com. You can see Kathleen’s 15 minute Ted Talk here.

Karl SteyaertTrainer: Karl Steyaert

Karl is passionate about co-creating learning experiences and communities that contribute to peace, justice, and sustainability. With over 20 years of experience teaching and facilitating groups, he has helped catalyze learning in settings ranging from university classrooms to ecovillages and urban gardens. As a Certified Trainer in Nonviolent Communication (NVC) Karl leads trainings in conflict resolution and communication across North America, Europe, and Asia. In addition, he facilitates Restorative Circles, a community-based approach to restorative justice grounded in NVC, and collaborates with Kathleen Macferran in supporting CNVC trainer candidates through the Trainer Candidate Community Program (TCCP). In addition to his work with NVC and conflict resolution, Karl is actively involved in co-creating communities that embody values such as sustainability, transformational learning, and consciousness. He is also dedicated to the practices of aikido (a nonviolent Japanese martial art), yoga, Buddhist meditation, permaculture, integral theory, and play. Karl’s website is www.findflow.org

Robert KrzisnikTrainer: Robert Krzisnik, MSc. Psych., has been working for 25 years (which of course cannot be true because that would mean he is already old) with individuals and groups as psychotherapist, trainer, team coach, complex meeting facilitator and conflict mediator in a wide spectrum of environments: from corporate to educational to personal and spiritual retreats. While all his work is infused with the spirit and the approach of Nonviolent Communication, he is also a dedicated practitioner of Art of Hosting practices, and an explorer of inter-cultural communication. In Nonviolent Communication he is most passionate about its spiritual aspects, as well as its use in conflict mediation (between individuals, within groups and between groups).

Since his early teenage years, Robert has been eagerly exploring the spiritual realms of Self and the Whole, as well as existential questions of life, through numerous inward journeys and travels around this wonderful world. He is also an eager practitioner (in beginning stages) of Contact Improvisation.

He lives in Slovenia, a small country in Europe, but his heart is still in a country he grew up in and which sadly does not exist anymore – Yugoslavia. His website: www.humus.si/en

Trainer: Kristen Masters was a diversity trainer working on social justice issues with runaways, battered women, and prisoners when she first found NVC. She was looking for ways to interrupt the downward spirals of violence that created these conditions. NVC became not only a tool but a lens through which she began to see the world in new ways.

The day that her friend (and CNVC trainer) Jean Morrison saved her marriage….well, Kristin’s giraffe ears perked up, and she was completely “sold”. NVC was invaluable as Kristin and her partner raised and homeschooled their daughter, who is now 15 years old. She can’t imagine parenting (or being in any relationship), without the support of a living practice of empathy and honesty, and a richly supportive community. Thankfully, she has this in abundance in her home in Santa Cruz, California, US.

Kristin lights up when she is applying NVC to social change, diversity issues, and leadership development. She draws heavily on Joanna Macy’s Work That Reconnects, applying this framework with an added richness of NVC principles. She is honored to be part of the team that holds the Leadership for Social Change retreat annually, focused on compassionate communication and critical awareness across lines of race, class and ethnicity.

She has embarked on extensive work with Robert Gonzales’ Living Compassion approaches, applying NVC and inquiry to inner work. She leads this in the full range of her own style, hoping to share the sense of empowerment and freedom that can come with an embodied self connection and conscious choicefulness. Kristin is dedicated to a participatory, experiential teaching style, that peppers in song and play, while also inviting space for a deep inner connection. Her long association with singing in Threshold Choir has created a personal soundtrack of self empathy songs. Music helps her stay connected to the love inside and between all of us.


Venue:

Ananda Center at Laurelwood is a 501 3c Educational Nonprofit Organization located on 225 acres 25 miles west of Portland, Oregon on the West Coast of the United States. Gardens, orchards, abundant wildlife, rolling hills, inspiring views, and the close proximity of Bald Peak all provide a setting conducive to expansive thinking, creativity, and a sense of harmony with life.  The campus, retreat and conference center provides facilities to groups looking for an uplifting, rural setting for exploration, growth and sharing. Ananda Center at Laurelwood is a place where divine joy, friendship, respect and growth thrive.

Within minutes of Laurelwood Valley two small college towns offer coffee shops and restaurants, while plentiful opportunities beyond the campus for hiking in natural areas and wildlife refuges, exploring the coastal beach towns of the Pacific Northwest are all just over an hour away.

For more details, including the all-vegetarian mostly organic meals, cozy and carpeted rooms, and large and open classrooms, click here:http://anandalaurelwood.org/stay/

Travel:

Expansion Hall: Most mapping or GPS programs will direct you to the administration building on Laurelwood Road. Guest Check-In and the Green Hill Cafe are in Harmony Hall. From Expansion Hall, continue west to Academy Way (on left past the gymnasium), turn left on Academy Way (before the Seventh Day Adventist Church and LACE Center), follow the road up the hill to the large 3-story building with a green roof. Follow signs to Guest Parking and Registration in the foyer of Harmony Hall.

For map and driving directions, click here:http://anandalaurelwood.org/about/directions/#sthash.bQCyR8I6.dpuf

By Plane

Fly into Portland International Airport. Ananda Center at Laurelwood is 36 miles from the Portland Airport, approximately an hour by car.

Transportation options from the airport:

  • Take MAX (light rail) to the Beaverton Transit Center (BTC) and arrange to be picked up there for $35 each way. The MAX Red Line terminates at the BTC and takes about an hour.  Ananda Laurelwood is a half-hour drive from there. MAX costs $2.50. The station is located in the airport. It runs every 15 minutes from 4:44 am to 11:49 pm.
  • Car rentals are available at the airport.
  • Groups can self-organize to arrange shared shuttle buses from the airport- more information upon registration

By Train

Amtrak does arrive in downtown Portland and is served by MAX (light rail) as well.

Participants are asked to wait until their registration in the IIT has been confirmed before booking travel reservations.


Fee: Total IIT Fees consists of a tuition fee of $2,340 plus accommodation fee – as outlined in the table below.

Early Bird Discount: Receive a $351 discount on tuition (15% off tuition) on payments received in full by 1/3/2014 (3 months prior to start of IIT). Tuition Fee Payable to CNVC under this option is $1,989.

Receive a $234 discount on full tuition (10% off tuition) on payments received in full by 2/3/2014 (2 months prior to start of IIT). Tuition Fee Payable to CNVC under this option is $2,106

Other discounts: If you are a registered certification candidate with CNVC or have attended a CNVC IIT before, we offer you a $351 discount on tuition (15% discount off tuition) (not to be combined with other discounts). If you are associated with a partner organization for this IIT, we offer a 5% tuition discount.

IIT Options and Fees (For a 9-Day Training):

Accommodation Type Accommodation Fee

Per Person

Enrollment Fee Total
Hotel-Style (Double) $900 $2,340 $3240
Camping TBD $2,340 TBD

Total IIT Fees consists of a tuition fee of $2,340 plus accommodation fee – as outlined in the table below – both payable to CNVC.

Three all-vegetarian, mostly organic meals per day included in accommodation fee. Shared participant kitchen and refrigerators available.

How to register:

  1. Click here to fill out the online IIT Application Form, please follow the instructions in the form to make payment:
  2. Applications sent before March 3, 2015 need to include full or partial payment, with a minimum of $100. The balance is due on March 3, 2015 . For applications sent on or after March 3, 2015, please include full tuition fees.
  3. CNVC usually acknowledges your application within 5 business days; please contact the IIT department if you did not receive an acknowledgment within this time
  4. If you would prefer a written application contact the IIT department and we will mail you one.

For questions please contact the IIT Department at 505-244-4041 or e-mail IIT

IIT Nick Name:

Pacific NW US IIT

Date:

Fri, 2015-04-03 18:00 – Sun, 2015-04-12 13:00

People
CNVC IIT Administrator:

Elin Searfoss

Why Bother doing a TEDx Talk?

Kathleen speaking at TEDxRainierHere is Kathleen’s 2nd TEDx talk, The Power of Listening, as a part of the larger Livestream video of the entire event plus other TED video content. Her introduction begins at 1:12:46 and she begins speaking at 1:13:20. We will post the solo talk video when it becomes available.  Scott Karman was a part of the production team. Below is Scott’s post about why we do this in the first place, reposted with his permission. TEDx is an unpaid experience for the presenters.

 

Reflections on TEDxRainier
By Scott Karman

Along the way, in the eleven months of planning for TEDxRainier 2014, I experienced a particularly special moment during one of the speaker rehearsals. Kathleen Macfarren, a speaker with an elegant talk on deep listening, paused for a moment to ask us, “Why do you do this?” I chuckled as it was the very question that I had asked myself on my drive to the rehearsal. One by one, we all gave our answers. Bo Roth who was responsible for helping the speakers develop their talks said, “It’s all about the people.” Anna Boynton, a masterful speaker coach, said, “It’s all about the people.” Co-curators Phil Klein and Elizabeth Coppinger agreed. We all agreed. TEDxRainier is a unique labor of love where we get to meet, work with, and connect with amazing people doing amazing things. As a team, we have the pleasure of growing friendships through collaboration. There is a lot of laughter, some tears, and of course, some heated moments–all parts of creating something larger than ourselves.

Then, I think about the many teams that come together to make the event happen. The people that live behind the curtains of the stage that you will never see. “Why do we do this?” TEDxRainier is an opportunity for us to do our very best work without the constraints of timelines and budgets. It is a show where we get to decide what happens and how it is going to be accomplished. Kris Monro, of Milligan Events, was the glue that kept us all on track while providing her expertise on the attendee experience. The Tri-Digital team brought the live stream program to those who watched virtually. The camera work on the big screen or your screen at home was skillfully orchestrated by the Dapper crew. The presentations were the collective creations between the speakers and our Silver Fox designers. The entire auditorium experience was the result of the collaboration of all of these teams, including the amazing McCaw Hall staff. So why do we do it? This is what we love to do and we love putting on shows for our dear attendees.

And finally, during a particularly stressful event planning moment, I had posed the question to myself. “Why do I do this?” The answer came as a surprise to me.

It comes down to lifetime goals and dreams. You see, in college, my parents were not pleased with my decision to major in painting. One night, on the WSU campus, my mother asked me with concern, “What do you want to do with your life?” In my youthful and passionate naïveté, I responded that I either wanted to be an artist or the President of the United States. Well, as I grew up a bit, that evolved into wanting to be a teacher who leads and lets the creative process guide the way. Both ideas are applicable to anywhere my inspirations take me. And there I was, Saturday morning pacing my house at 3 AM, waiting for McCaw Hall to open so we could get the show started. I asked, “Why do I do this (to myself)?” A burst of adrenalin came over me and a huge smile stretched across my face. The answer is that I am doing exactly what I set out to do. This whole thing is a realization of lifetime goals and dreams.

 

Kathleen presents TEDx talk this Saturday at TEDxRainier

ear photo“The Power of Listening” is the title of my TEDx talk this time. I will share about my journey from listening on the stage as a music conductor to listening in other places in my life (like schools, prisons and with family).

Come get inspired at the event, this Saturday, November 22nd! And look for the video to come out in the next month or so.

Check out my other TEDx talk from the Spring of 2014

Subject: Want to learn more about NVC? Here’s a great resource!

 

 

Dear friend,

 

I want to “toot a horn” for my dear friends at the NVC Academywho are in the process of updating and streamlining their online NVC Multimedia Library. I’m thrilled with the direction it’s heading in… And what a marvelous resource tool it is for any of us who’re studying Nonviolent Communication!

 

What makes it so useful? Lots of things! Here’s what appeals to me:

  • Contains the history of Nonviolent Communication, as founded by Marshall Rosenberg
  • Holds seminal works by most of our veteran NVC trainers, as well as the work of generations of trainers who’ve come afterwards
  • Resources from today’s NVC trainers are added regularly
  • Comprehensive NVC study guide you can delve into at your own speed
  • Enjoyable Staff Pick of the Month (I hear one of Miki Kashtan’s courses on Dialogue is being featured in 2015!)

 

Best of all for MY busy life, it’s open 24 hours a day and at my fingertips whenever I want it – and I don’t have go anywhere. If I want to start my day sitting in the morning sunshine with a cup of tea and Jim and Jori Manske, I can do that.

 

How sweet is that!

 

And yes, you’ll find a dozen or so of my courses in the Library, too, such as “Integrating NVC,” and “Stoking the Fires of Joy.” Just click here to see my collection!

 

You’ll also see works there by other trainers, who’s names I think you’ll find familiar. Trainers like sweet Robert Gonzales… John Kinyon… Arnina Kashtan… the endearing Kelly Bryson… Jeff Brown… of course the Manskes – and many more.

 

By the way, there’s aspecialpromotion this month for new Library members! If you decide to become a new member, be sure and use my promo code: MML75. Then when you join, you’ll receive $75 off any purchase at the Academy’s Marketplace, where you’ll find lots of other valuable NVC materials and resources.

 

I hope you’ll join…

 

Having a well-stocked library that’s readily available makes studying NVC such a pleasure. I don’t think there’s another resource quite like it anywhere else in the world.

 

Warmly,

 

Kathleen Macferran

CNVC Certified Trainer

Yoga and Compassionate Communication

I wish I was going on this trip to India to explore yoga and compassionate communication! For more informations: http://chiaraguerrieri.com/wordpress/2014/10/deeper-travel-india-2015-4-spots-remain/

The Dance of a Connected Conversation

If communication is a dance, have you ever had the sense that you were talking with someone but:

  • Your toes were getting squashed under their heels.
  • Their posture was stiff and inflexible.
  • They were getting scandalously close to your wobbly bits? (Gasp!).
  • You just weren’t connected.

Dancers of many styles - silhouettesMaybe it was like the tango where there was a strong leader in the dance, around whom the dance seemed to turn and whirl? Maybe that was even you, once or twice 😉 Perhaps you were trying to assert yourself but the rapid, complex movements of the lead partner left it tricky to share your expression? You found yourself a little dizzy, being swept around the dance floor, lifted and spun, tracking the next move of the lead partner. (Note: its just a metaphor here, folks – tango can be beautiful, amazing, and full of both people’s expression.). The video below shows a disconnected dance duo stepping on each others feet video (for comparison & contrast with the following video).

Now compare the tango with a lead partner to “contact improvisation” dance. In this style, the partners are fully playing off of each other and there usually is no “lead partner”, although the dancers will be guiding and supporting each other at different times. Movements are fluid and intimate as bodies pass over, under and around each other. This style of dance is more of a metaphor for what we call “the flow of connection” in compassionate communication. This video demonstrates that fluidity.

Back and Forth

“The flow of connection” in a conversation has a focus on keeping both people connected to a conversation. This goes back and forth, using “connecting requests” that ask, “Could you tell me what you just heard so I can know I got my message across?” or “What comes up for you when you hear that?” To stay with the metaphor, those questions keep the dancers synced up, in step on the same dance floor. Another thing to remember is that people can stay more connected with each other if the person speaking talks in “paragraphs” rather than “chapters.” By breaking up the conversation into smaller chunks, it is easier to reflect back what is being shared. If you are listening, it can also be helpful to “interrupt,” to reflect back what that other person is sharing, initiating the flow of connection from the perspective of the “ear.” So even if the speaker knows nothing about compassionate communication and nonviolence, you as a listener can model that flow and keep yourself connected to the conversation.

Trip, Stumble and Get Impatient

Sometimes you might want to have connected conversations and other times, you might not have the energy for it. It does require an openness and detachment from outcomes – a willingness to fully leap into the conversation… in the dance. Sometimes you might want to just be the lead partner or just to follow the lead of another. Sometimes a txt msg is all u have time 4. AND as you practice (and fail) and practice (and fail some more), you will find yourself dancing in conversations with others in ways that used to be battles. Even if you are a seasoned practitioner of compassionate communication, also known as Nonviolent Communication™, watch and enjoy as your skills continue to improve and you spin into deeper connection. Are you wanting to strengthen your Nonviolent Communication practice for 4 days and nights in a beautiful retreat setting, with highly skilled trainers, a supportive community, incredible organic food and rustic natural settings? Learn more about our Blackbelt Communication Skills Retreat at Whidbey Institute, Oct 1-5, 2014.

Do I make a Difference? Shifting Anxiety to Choice

I woke up feeling vulnerable and anxious and decided to embrace and open to the sensations that were there. A flood of memories came back—years and years of teaching, conducting, parenting and the wondering if it had made any difference at all. “Are people’s lives any different? Are the horrors of the world diminished in any way by how I’ve lived?” I asked myself. “Was I so immersed in what I was doing morning to night thinking it was all so important and wasn’t able to see that all that effort didn’t mean much after all?”

 

Sinking into the sadness, some shame, disappointment, and hopelessness leads me below the turbulent waters where I notice the yearning to live a life that has meaning, that contributes to others, that makes a difference because I show up with love. I want to risk my significance based on a full-bodied sense of integrity and authenticity, not reacting to external expectations.

 

Allowing my body and heart to sink into that hunger, to give my full weight to it in the present moment, I notice another fear at the thought that some beloved people in my life may not understand or support my choices. A wave of sadness come over me thinking the consequences may be that I fall from grace or lose being held with positive regard by those I care about.

 

Breathing into the fear of loss, I relax into how much I care, how much I love others and want to deepen sacred connection. I feel relief knowing that I can choose to offer unconditional positive regard to others, no matter how they respond to me. I can create the qualities I cherish. Can I offer that acceptance and care to myself as I step more and more into my own authenticity? I’m willing to try.  Hearing my own “yes!” connects me with the flow of Life moving through me and the power of being connected to meaning and purpose. I don’t know how to answer the question “Do I make a difference?” but I do trust that living each moment with a willingness to risk my significance for the sake  of connection and love may help me live my way into the answer.

How To Tune Yourself Into Gratitude

I was thinking about how gratitude is a door we open to Life’s energies. We only need to open the door a little. Frankly, that’s all the energy I have most of the time. Thinking I’m responsible for creating and holding this huge dream of peace on the planet is overwhelming for me. I can, however, crawl to the doorknob and push the door open just a crack.

happy girl with deely bobbersThrough that crack comes a wide range of energies that ebb and flow. You could think of them as radio stations that we tune ourselves to. We can label those radio stations as universal needs. Examples of these needs could include the need for respect, safety, clarity, or understanding. They are energies of life moving through me and through all people. When I say a thankful yes to dancing with any and all of those energies, it allows me to live in the flow of life more directly and opens me to a spontaneous experience of gratitude and joy.

Sometimes we push one of those specific radio preset button voluntarily.
When you share a joke or funny story, you could be dialing yourself into Joy.  If you follow through on something you said you would do, you could dial yourself into integrity.

Other times, you seem to just land there. “Welcome! You’ve just tuned into Need for Belonging Radio, along with the rest of our listeners.”

It is different than focusing on what I might call “positive” and pushing away what I might consider “negative.” I embrace my experience in its wholeness, feeling the fullness of all feelings and present to the underlying needs When I am tuned into one of those radio stations that is uncomfortable, I match my dance to the music on that station. When I’m connected in that way, accepting what is present, I sense a vitality and authenticity that brings me to life. Just that presence is enough to lead me to gratitude.

This practice is so powerful and can have a great effect on your own daily living. It tends to be noticed by people around you, whether they are new faces in the line at the grocery store or your closest friends and family. Gratitude is one of the best ways I know to connect with our children. Sharing your gratefulness with them gives them a sense of really being seen for their beauty. It’s a splendid way for them to become aware of the power they have to make life wonderful for themselves and others while experiencing how good it feels to use that power.

Self Gratitude Exercise

  1. Pause 2X daily spontaneously or during planned times.
  2. Connect with Life reaching out through you now.
  3. Notice ways you are living, savoring, embodying, and sharing the things you most value.
  4. Give yourself gratitude for whatever is alive. This could be just stopping to notice and savor a way you are living out your values and your awareness of this process.
  5. Celebrate that you had the power to give to yourself or someone in a way that was nurturing whether or not it was acknowledged.

Notice what thoughts and feelings come up for you when you start to give yourself gratitude. Is it easy or hard? Are you nervous or relaxed?

 

For more inspiration and ideas around compassionate communication, social change and more, enter your email address at the top of the left sidebar to receive my updates.

Learning This Stuff is Life or Death For Me

skeletonIn 2009,  my colleague, Sura Hart, and I were leading an Empathy workshop for men in a WA State prison. As I entered the workshop, I was surprised to see an inmate, Dan (not his real name), who had participated in a Freedom Project workshop I had co-led with another colleague, Doug Dolstad, four years ago at the same facility. I hadn’t seen him since.

Seeing Dan, I remembered a moment at that first workshop when he responded to some grumbling in the group about what he was doing by saying, “I know I’m taking up a lot of time here, but learning this stuff is life or death for me.” The whole room went silent as we soaked in the truth of those words for all of us. Dan was transferred out of state for three years and had recently returned. I was moved by what seemed to me a profound change in his energy and skills at the recent workshop. He set a tone of courageously looking at “skeletons in the closet,” inviting the whole group to participate in his learning and understanding. His example encouraged others to do the same. 

Encountering the enormity of the violence around me can be overwhelming, but I find renewed energy when I focus on creating safe corners, places of sanctuary in the midst of a larger backdrop. Science and history seem to support the idea that small changes in behavior have the power to affect living systems and organizations in profound ways. Be the change you wish to see and savor new life unfolding.

To experience the kind of presence these men gave to one another is to walk on sacred ground. If we can create that sacred space inside prisons, we can create it anywhere. What corner of your life do you want to turn into a place of hope and healing? What support would you like to make that happen?

Kathleen Macferran, Certified Trainer
Strength of Connection Center for Nonviolent Communication
Office: 472 Grow Ave NW | Bainbridge Island, WA 98110
206.780.1021. Tel / Fax
Mail: PO Box 10009 | Bainbridge Island, WA 98110-0009